I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
