Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
