that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize