If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
