I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
