Your tits are I can't wait for
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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