and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
