I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
