Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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