You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
