Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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