life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
