A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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