you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
