Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
