I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
