good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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