I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You ruined the universe
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
