just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
