My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
