We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
