Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
