When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
