I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
