I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
