Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
