This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
