I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
