Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
