Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drunk is a universal language darling
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
