Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
