we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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