I feel like abortions should bother me more
ugly people sure do ruin things
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were trust falling into bushes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
