no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize