I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
