She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
