proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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