I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
