I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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