Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize