she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
