I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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