There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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