I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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