We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
