Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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