I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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