he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
