I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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