I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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