I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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