hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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