My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
