yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
