dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
