I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
