You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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