I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
