What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
