Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
