I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
