home. puking in laundry basket.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
