I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
