You're completely useless in the revolution.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How external is "for external use only"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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