i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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