I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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