Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
