How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
