you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
