so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
