how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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