Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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