bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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