It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
