I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
