Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
