I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
