ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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