i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think your dad took our porno
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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