WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
