oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
