she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
