Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
