I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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