My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
