Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
