Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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