The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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